Internet Sex: Safe, and more Satisfying, than Abstinence

Before you start thinking about pedophiles and sexual predators, and saying the word eewweee, I’m talking about sex between two consensual adults who know each other.  Your man.  Your woman.  But I know where you’re coming from.  Several years ago, an episode of HBO’s ‘Sex and the City’ had Miranda having phone sex with an out-of-town guy she dated occasionally.  Miranda was reticent, and in true Miranda fashion began their initial conversations with no interest at all.  I don’t recall what turned her around, and upside down, but when she became an active willing consensual participant …

My girlfriends and I didn’t get how anyone could get enjoyment out of having sex, that was simulated, with no touching, over a phone.  At least we pretended we didn’t.  (I know I didn’t, but I honestly am not sure any longer about the others.  You never really know about people.)  Looking back I’m convinced our cluelessness was partly a mask for our uncomfortableness.  The phone represented bringing a hard object into our sex lives.  Doing this while we were physically alone represented masturbation.  Both are big eewweee’s in the black community.  Good black girls have heterosexual sex, in person, missionary position, in the dark, with a minimal amount of sounds, none too loud, none too freaky.  There are very few good girls in the black, white, or any community.

And all of us have phones, most of us have computers, and way too many of us have lives that don’t always incorporate seeing our partners as often as we may like to satisfy our need for sexual closeness.

So what are the rules?

First, know that most men are much more open to any type of sex, phone, computer, or otherwise.

Second, women, if the man is someone you have marital interests in, realize agreeing to participate in phone or computer sex early in your relationship before he gets to know you as a complete person, may ixnay the ringay.  Lady first, freak second.

Third, you will feel silly at first.  Heck the whole act of sex looks silly.  So saying or typing the words doesn’t make it any less silly.

Fourth, go with the flow and cherish surprises.  Phone/computer sex is a safe way to act out fantasies.  Let your partner know in words what you hopefully have shown him in action.  And a surprising byproduct of this is how it makes you more open in the sexual physical act.  Words make you focus on what you actually enjoy.  Oh, and don’t be surprised if your body reacts physically.  Orgasms and wet sheets are normal

Finally, and most important, only participate with someone you do trust.  Sharing intimacies lets your guard down.  Trusting another human being with something that makes you feel silly and uncomfortable, initially, can build a bond or result in feeling betrayed.  Don’t get stupid.

Gotta go now.  My man is calling.

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