… or Hispanic … or Indian … but Asians, most times, and definitely white.
A recent conversation …
“Are their any African American presenters/speakers. We have an urban magazine and reality is that’s the best way to hook their interest.”
“Actually, I never really considered race when putting together the training team. I just wanted the best of the best.”
I don’t know your first reaction to that response but my lips got tight and I got pissed. My inference: “I wanted the best. No, I wanted the best of the best. That’s not black.” But knowing I’ve fine tuned my ‘um hum, you thought I wouldn’t get that’ antenna, I took advantage of our ‘Divas of Diversity: Ethnic Etiquette.’ Covering the multicultural rainbow for advice who better to tell me ‘right on’ or ‘dead wrong.’
“Nahhh…she just meant the best in whatever categories of presentations…”
I needed some new divas. That wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear.
Or was Diva Mariann just smarter?
Had she been through so much she’d gone beyond, gotten beyond the crap?
I didn’t want to think about that.
I was still pissed.
Reality is when it comes to being qualified (forget best qualified), first thought, last fired – it’s ‘you’re kidding’, ‘huh’, and ‘that’s a joke, right?’.
There is an automatic perception in this country and elsewhere, except parts of Africa, that Blacks are inferior. Second best. Worse than the kid we never picked to play stickball, Blacks are forced on the team in the name of ‘diversity’ and ‘equality.’ And don’t mention the word affirmative action.
Y’all know what I mean.
You’ve been there.
Are there.
Could be experiencing right at this moment.
You get that look – when you say FAMU beat out Harvard one year in the number of National Scholastic Scholars admitted and who attended.
You get that look – when you say you graduated from Hampton, or Grambling, or Wilberforce. Note: less looks if you say Morehouse or Spellman.
You get that look – when your company announces promotions and you’re on the list but Gordon white boy who’s been with the company since the cornerstone was laid is once again, passed over.
You get that look – when suggest changing the radio station to hear some black music cuz there will be no Snoop Dogg a Twista at The Roots up in here ah.
The look.
Because Lord knows no black school could ever be better than Harvard.
Because Lord knows you went to an HBCU because you couldn’t get accepted at a ‘real’ school – like … no I’ll leave that alone. I’m not answering all those hate mails.
Because Lord knows no black person is qualified for a promotion over a white male, so the company did it because of that ‘diversity’ stuff and affirmative action.
Because Lord knows if it’s black music it has to be hard core hip hop because that’s all we record Lionel Richie, D’Angelo, Maxwell, Regina Belle, B2K, …
Lord knows.
Lord knows the truth lies within the receiver, not the deceiver.
I’ll let you think on that for a moment.
Have you ever had a situation where no matter what you say or do, no matter how right you are, no matter what you’ve done, how you’ve excelled, the other person still thinks the worse of you?
Maybe it’s your mother who still sees that rebellious potty mouth teenager.
Or the police, once a thief, always a thief.
How about a boyfriend/girlfriend? Yeah you screwed up. Made a mistake, but you get it now. Even Carrie gave Mr. Big a fifteenth chance in Sex & the City.
These people have reason to doubt your character. They should maybe also give you the benefit of the doubt.
But the people you don’t know, but think they know you because ‘they heard?’
And the people you don’t know, but think you do because ‘you heard?’
Forget what was heard. Think about the subconscious seen …
… What message is communicated when the Fortune 500 CEO’s say white male, white male, white male, oh yeah and a few others?
… What message is communicated when the Congress of the United States says white male, white male, white male, oh yeah and a few others?
… What message is communicated when television shows star white male, white male, white male, white female, and people of color in close, but not quite star roles? Excluding the UPN.
… What message is communicated when the top news anchors are white male, white male, white male, including Fox?
… What message is communicated when our bad news is above the fold, and the good is buried on page 24, and the people making this decision are generally white male, white male, white male, and a very few others?
… What message is communicated when you can remember when black folks didn’t use Crest, and Hispanics and American Indians still don’t?
… What message is communicated when everybody knows the name ‘Elizabeth Smart’ but cannot identify the black child who was also kidnapped during that time? And for the record it’s Erica Pratt. She’s 7, from Pittsburgh, and after freeing herself by chewing threw her duct tape, she identified her kidnappers. Oh, and she also saved another child, in New Jersey. Who when kidnapped this past June remembered Erica’s story and chewed her way to freedom too. Two for the price of one.
If you tell a child enough times he’s dumb, he’s dumb, he’s dumb, he’ll believe you. And those who heard you speak will believe it too.
And the child will keep believing he’s dumb until one, someone or something moves that destructive path in a constructive direction, and two, keeps on moving the path until the child can see it for himself.
Hopefully this is a moment of intervention.
Which most of us will always need, except Mariann Aalda who I now believe has gone beyond.
… What is the message when we get bad service from a person of color and we then tell everybody, ‘I will never use a black attorney/doctor/realtor/… again. They don’t know what they’re doing?’
… What is the message we have deep within our brains when our children think Martin Luther King is a street, just a street?
… What is the message we give when we are 5,000 deep for Beyonce and Outkast (and I’m in the throng) but don’t show up for school board meetings (until they threaten to close our schools), zoning meetings (until they threaten to block off our businesses), or vote (then complain we’re not represented)?
… What is the message we give when we always are silent while folks are slinging that crap in our face?
The message is disrespect.
The message is ‘I give you the right to disrespect me.’
The message is “I don’t even respect myself.’
The truth lies within the receiver, not the deceiver.
There have been people in our lives that we have had to physically or emotionally walk away from because they constantly fed us nothing but negative garbage about who we are. You knew you weren’t that bad. At a minimum you hoped you weren’t that bad. You were sure it was time to ease them down the road.
Hopefully you have done that.
If you haven’t but you wish you could because you recognize, don’t get so hard on yourself. Awareness is the scratch that eases the itch.
If you have no clue what we’re talking about … no we won’t write you off. Just follow.
We have to be mentally aware not just of receiving disrespect, but allowing it and giving it to ourselves. Moving on and up.
Diva Mariann had it correct.
She reminded me that whether I was right or wrong in my interpretation of the email response it was good to be aware.
And awareness was not the end, but the beginning.
And I needed to continue moving beyond my pissiness, especially since it … stimulates cortisol production, hardens the arteries, and the next thing you know you’re lying on the floor of the office bathroom where countless numbers of women have dropped the germs from their unwashed hands, having a f—in’ heart attack, from which you then die. Which may be a good thing when you think of the where those germs were before you fell out.
So not worth it!”
So my options …
… Suggest some African American presenters that are as comparable as** the white presenters. Actually better cuz Lord knows we got to give 150% to get recognized for 10%.
… Sponsor my own symposium showcasing African American presenters.
— Write a commentary. I love doing that. And encourage and remind all of us to define our own respect, not because we’re owed, but we’ve earned it.
The Best?? Not Black??
Oh you poor thing. You don’t know what you’re missing.
Never would have thunk I would find this so insispendable.