“Girl, shuuuuut upppp!!
“SHUT … UP … NOW!! Gggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Shut up, please. Shoulders sag.
Tone tells the world how we really feel and determines how we’re heard. So in the past eight days the “tone” of this commentary changed from disbelief to humorous to anger to resignation to anger back to disbelief to forgiveness to hurtful humor to … translation: how I reacted to Rush Limbaugh’s comments.
For the record. I LOVE ESPN. On a day off I watch SportsCenter at 8, 9, 10, 11, and noon. The same broadcast. Over and over. You always catch something you missed.
PTI? Around the Horn? Tape them everyday.
Once I even dislocated two fingers and sprained my right wrist in a hotel parking lot because ESPN failed to cover a freak storm. The parking lot was covered in black ice. Was I in pain? (considering my Nissan was a stickshift)? Heck yes. Did I change my morning routine? Heck no.
So expecting me to not be glued to the tv on Sunday mornings is akin to … well, it’s just stupid. Sports Reporters, Outside the Line, and SportsCenter. Amen. During football season – add NFL Countdown. And please, no emails saying “my butt needs to be in church.” I attend churches with Saturday and evening services.
So last Sunday I was full of yogurt and diet 7-up, stretched out on my wrap-around balcony taking in some Miami 88 degree rays, listening to the waves, thanking the Lord for all this marvelous goodness when … “Sorry to say this, I don’t think (McNabb) has been that good from the get-go; I think what we’ve had here is a little social concern in the NFL.
Huh? The sound was loud but I do have some hearing problems. “The media has been very desirous that a black quarterback do well, black coaches and quarterbacks doing well.”
Is this fool crazy? “There is a little hope invested in McNabb, and he got a lot of credit for the performance of this team that he didn’t deserve. The defense carried this team.”
WTF?
Surely I didn’t hear what I knew I heard. And I was sure I heard wrong when Chris Berman, Michael Irvin, and Tom Jackson, the other NFL Countdown anchors, said nothing. Didn’t blink an eye. Yes, Steve Young is an anchor too, but I didn’t expect him to say much – even though he’s so into controversy. NOT! But Berman? Had I read him wrong? Jackson? Guess I was wrong. Irvin?
Now wait a minute, that man IS crazy (Irvin). He calls a spade a spade and a fool a fool.
They’re going on with the program.
I must have heard wrong.
Too much sun.
But I heard right.
They missed it. And they admitted that. (And based on their admissions, it’s obvious Michael and Tom, especially Tom, took h-e-double-l from black folks.)
I didn’t buy it.
If I heard it, they had to. They just didn’t do anything. Afraid to piss off the white bosses. Alienate the white audience. Heck they probably have white wives and/or girlfriends. Yeah, I went there. Hung them from the oreo cross and was more pissed at them than anything Rush said or implied. Until …
Lord knows when we get uppity we run the risk of conviction – from our own cross.
A few weeks ago I was giving a presentation that I ‘volunteered’ for at the last minute because someone stayed home to deal with Hurricane Isabel. Um hmm. Anyway, I am not the most-liked person in my office. Surprise. Surprise. I’m opinionated. I don’t hang with the group. Add black, female, highly educated - some folks wouldn’t toss me a line if I gave them the alphabet. I can live with that. Everything has a price. Just don’t disrespect me. I don’t disrespect, so don’t front me.
Anyway, during the presentation I flubbed up. Show did. And knew real quick I’d made a mistake. So I did what’s natural – admitted I screwed, made a joke and kept going. Or tried to. One of my co-workers said loudly, “and you’re a principal auditor?”
Principal auditor is the highest level my company’s field staff can attain. Out of approximately 120 people, 11 are principal auditors. My co-worker isn’t one of the 11, but obviously wants to be.
Now when I got the promotion, two non-black people tried to give me static. They stated, did not insinuate, that I received the promotion because I was black. (More social concern, I guess.) My reply to both was, “I probably did. But I also got it because I work my butt off. I do excellent work. And I deserved it. And if they thought I was going to give it back when some other people may have deserved it too but didn’t get it. You better get out of my face. Because no doubt my company was going to parade my black butt as the poster child of their EEO compliance. Puh leeze.” (Now, you see why I’m popular.)
To these guys I was quick on my feet. I expected I would get grief (past experience), so I was prepared.
During the presentation, I was not prepared to get called out by a co-worker.
So while the class went, “oooooooooooooo”, and the manager sitting with the co-worker looked straight at me, and the two managers to my right looked blank, I went on auto-pilot and wrapped my lips to say …
“WT … Frick, of course!!”
Fortunately good-sense kicked in and I saw an easy set-up to me being fired. And I knew I was not giving anyone that pleasure.
So I just stared. From anger to disbelief. But said nothing.
And then the moment was gone. The presentation had to continue. And I knew when, not if, the story was repeated it would be said, “she did nothing.” Some of my street cred had been diminished.
I later took care of the situation, but … the moment was gone.
So after what Michael and Tom went through this week … no, I’m not thinking about Rush. He went where ESPN hoped he wouldn’t go but were willing to take the chance because of the moolah. And they got moolah. Ratings were up, and kept going up. Attributed to the R factor. And the apology show yesterday? You know everybody was watching, at least the first ten minutes, cuz they wanted to see what the group would say. How they would clean it up. Get back some redemption.
Whether they did or not, yes I have my opinion, but that’s not relevant to my real issue. Which is – “What is the proper reaction when the stupid card (in this instance, race) is played?” And yes, the race card was played in Rush’s comments.
Too often we find ourselves in conversations where someone, not from our tribe, says something offensive. And before I continue, tribe, as defined by a white reporter (hmm, was the use of the adjective white necessary? I used it to give my definition credibility because if I’d said a black reporter, some of you would have said, uh huh and dismissed the definition entirely. And the fact that I think that and the fact that some of you get it … Rush went too far.) Anyway, the definition of tribe is ‘any group in which you have a kinship, either by race, gender, family, city, company, etc.’ We live in numerous tribes.
So as a female, I don’t want to hear sexist comments any more than a man wants to hear the words ‘Lorena Bobbitt’.
As an educated Black don’t insinuate or say I got where I am cuz of social concerns.
Again, I digress. What do we do when those comments come?
Well let’s get honest, when the comment deals with race, it takes everything to a whole other level. If you don’t know that or get that, stop reading now. You’re wasting your time.
And no explanation as to why is needed.
WE ALL REACT FUNKY WHEN RACE COMES UP. Regardless of our color.
It’s just funkier for people of color. Regardless.
Look at my presentation situation. My company doesn’t have that many black folks working for them, like 98% (guessing) of the companies in this country. So a white co-worker stating a black co-worker is not qualified? That is what the comment meant. Daggone yes the race card was in play. But who cared, but me. Me funky.
Change the colors so the black co-worker cracks on the white co-worker. Even if the two people were the best of friends and cracking in fun, somebody would have thought the black co-worker was being insubordinate. Me funked again. The rules aren’t the same. The playing field isn’t level.
Digressing. Digressing.
The proper reaction to offensive comments depends on the circumstances. It’s much easier to cuss somebody out when there are no witnesses. J
But should we cuss?
Maybe a long stare with silence is appropriate. The kind you knew not to give your mama even if her back was turned. Eyes in the back of her head and all.
How about, “You’re out of line. It’s not appreciated.” Or “Don’t got there, it’s not appropriate.”
Or maybe, “it’s obvious you don’t have the correct facts (as Rush did with McNabb), so this conversation is terminated.”
All of these, as well as some others, can work and have worked.
So the proper response – it’s an internal barometer – ‘how do I feel about myself after what I did (or didn’t do)?’
I felt like shoot that I didn’t come up with a witty response to put that … in … place. I’m still kicking myself. Less so each day. Because even though I did do something later, what I did, did not take away the hurt and humiliation I felt when the crack happened. Cuz I’m just up there trying to do my best, which is better than most. And that’s key – we are hurt and humiliated. And we’re angry. And we’re a lot of other things. And it’s not fair. And life is not fair. And it’s not changing in this lifetime. (Not even sure about the next few.) But these emotions aren’t healthy when long-termed internalized. They gnaw on that little old thing called self-esteem. So these emotions have to be eradicated.
I didn’t feel good about myself. That’s why I had to say something later. For me. It helped. Just not 100%. (note: in considering the appropriate response, try to say something that terminates the conversation otherwise you run the likelihood of two people looking stupid.)
It’s obvious Tom and Mike and all of ESPN are kicking themselves for not hearing Rush.
As with me that can’t be taken back. Time has passed. Worse they have to deal with ‘we just missed it.’ Don’t you think that’s worse than not knowing what to say or do?
Their defenses were down and their antennas so low the offensive comments just went ‘swoop’ over the head. We’ve all been there. But the more we’re there, the less likely we have to go there in the future. Did you get that?
But whether we get it then or later, in the end we have to go on. No matter what is said, how often it’s said, how ‘I didn’t mean anything by it’ is said, you have to move on. The speaker is stupid. An idiot. Maybe one of thousands or even millions, but still stupid.
ESPN is going on. By the way, didn’t they learn anything from ABC hiring Dennis Miller for Monday Night Football? Oops, I forgot. They’ve got the same parent company.
Steve Young is going on. Does he not look like he just wants us all to get along?
Chris Berman is going on. Kicking himself cuz he not only didn’t catch it, and he’s the moderator, he and Tom have partnered for 17 years. He should have had his brother’s back.
Michael Irvin goes on. And on, and on, and on.
Tom Jackson goes on. And him I feel the worst for cuz in addition to missing it, he’s asking himself, ‘who is this company I work for?’, as well as ‘I thought we were friends. You let me down.’ (When the stupid person is a friend, you have to question your judgment.)
I go on. More guarded.
My company goes on. O-kay.
The country goes on. If this country stopped moving for every stupid comment, a side of earth would be burnt to a crisp.
Rush goes on. Unfortunately. I believe in free speech but dag, sometimes, it should cost.
Fools go on. What else can they do? They don’t know any better.
But before I quit, will someone tell me why all these politicians jumped on the Rush should quit bandwagon? Okay, I know the answer, but come on people please. Folks jumping on bandwagons for paid political announcements are annoying, and insulting to themselves as well as the cause.
I’m done.
Not going on anymore.
