… if you forget, ‘for a reason, a season, a lifetime.’
There was no reason for me to worry about whether my friend and I were really friends
Once upon a time because I had issues to deal with that were being compounded by three separate friendships, I walked away.
Stopped talking.
Let’s call them B, W, and R.
Oh I did tell W and R that I needed some space, but I didn’t have the courage to tell them why they’d hurt my feelings.
A year went by.
And I’d worked on myself.
And I’d worked through why I was so hurt.
And I healed.
Then I called. All three.
Explained why I had gotten hurt. Explained I knew it was not their intention to hurt. And I was sorry.
B, who I had just kinda disappeared on … actually we didn’t really talk about what I’d done or gone through. She just wanted to chat.
R, let me know she knew she hadn’t done anything. And proceeded to set me out.
W said, I’m glad you’ve healed.
W and I are still friends oh these many many many years later.
I spoke to B maybe once or twice after that.
R and I haven’t spoken since. I wished her well and said goodbye.
And I have no regrets.
B was a friend for a reason. A step in learning what I had to give and receive in friendships. Respect.
R was a friend for a season. Through some of the darkest moments in my life she was there. Wouldn’t have made it without her, and some others. But life was no longer dark and the ear that was so receptive to hearing the sorrow really didn’t want to hear the joy.
W is a friend for a lifetime. No matter how often or little we speak or see each other.
It’s unconditional love.
My friend and I disagreed. Vehemently. I was angry – that he could be so on the other side of issues important to me.
I was pissed.
He was pissed.
I actually laughed at his alleged idiocy.
Worse, we were disappointed. In each other.
But not once did we take it to the personal. To the ugly. That place beyond playa hating just talked about.
Okay me laughing was not a nice thing.
But I was honestly trying to bring some levity to a conversation that was treading into some fundamentally dangerous territory.
And I told him that, the next time we talked. Made a point to call the next day.
And I told him I was not totally making fun of him and/or his beliefs, even though I couldn’t see how he could hold those beliefs. (Anymore than he could see how I held mine.)
Despite the laugh the day before, he knew when I hadn’t laughed to hurt him, that I was telling the truth.
He didn’t get ugly. Neither did I.
He didn’t get personal. Neither did I.
When I extended the olive branch, he accepted it. And returned it.
Because we’re friends.
The f(riendship) was not after (m)e because it wasn’t following ‘ing.
Friendships.
Stay the same.
Change.
Grow.
Withdraw.
Bring joy.
Bring tears.
Heartache.
And more.
For reasons. In seasons. Over our lifetimes.
The circle is now complete.
