I Resolutely Wish…

It’s a new year and that means … resolutions.

Even if you resolve not to make them, that is a resolution in itself.

We wish for new jobs, new cars, new loves.

Money, to stop smoking, be a better parent.

Weight loss … that’s probably the number one selfish wish, for us and retailers.

Peace … the number one unselfish wish.

I used to make resolutions that I knew I wouldn’t keep but felt good to say.  They made me feel like I was doing something.  I was trying to be better.  I would be better.  Then two, four, days, weeks later, if I hadn’t written it down, I couldn’t have told you what I’d wished.

So I stopped.  That was my resolution.  No resolutions.

And when asked what my New Year’s resolution was, I’d say, “I don’t make them.”

Now some folks just accepted that and went on about their business.

Others … well, there had to be something wrong with you.  Because, well, they made resolutions.  Every year.  And they kept them.  “Like one year I said I was going to …  Then last year I …  And this year …” This is when they touch your arm to block your getaway, so you paste the plastic smile and remember what you’re suppose to pick up from the store on the way home from work.

But the ones who really annoyed me were the ‘sanctimonious now child you know I know better because I got money, the job, God, Jesus, the husband, whatever it is because that whatever makes me better than you and I just pity you because you don’t have it and until and unless you get it I’ll still be better and know better than you because I do have it and isn’t that what makes me better.’

It’s about them.  Not you.

It’s about them.  Not you.

Then one day I took my time.  With me, God, nature.

This wasn’t unusual.  My favorite part of the day is right when I wake up and before I go to bed.  My quiet time to pray, meditate, and be.

I won’t bore you with the specifics, but by the time I drove home (I’d gone to Lake Lanier outside Atlanta), I had a new perspective on ‘I wish.”

Yes, I wanted a new job.  But I knew it was okay.  (And within 20 minutes of arriving home I received a call for an interview, and had the job 24 hours later.)

Yes, I wanted to lose weight.  Still working on that.

Yes, I wanted world peace and to be a better friend and eliminate those buttons folks can push and over the edge you go.

But now when I asked myself what I wanted more than anything else the answer seemed simple – less anger.

Anger derives from hurt and shame and pain and all those things we believe life has heaped on us in spades.  Yes, I said ‘we believe.’

Have you ever heard a joke that sounded offensive to you, but everyone else thought was hilarious?

Does that mean the joke really is funny?  Or the others are silly?

Who knows.  Who cares.  You believe it’s offensive, therefore it is … for you.

And we get angry.

And if we don’t deal with the anger and handle the situations that make us angry, we get angrier.

Then you snap back when someone pisses you off.

You scream when cut off in traffic.

You plot how to get folks back because they ‘did you wrong and have to pay.’

I wanted to feel less anger.

So I resolved that in those moments I got angry, to look for a better way to handle the situation.

It didn’t always work.

Quite often I reacted before I could think.

And even when I could think, my reaction still evolved from anger.

But slowly I became more conscious of my behavior.  And even though there wasn’t a 100% change, it was significant.

This happened during the summer.

When the new year came I resolved to choose another similar resolution that improved me as a person because if I improved me, the world around me had to continue to get better.

Lots of words came into my mind – joy, peace, happiness, spiritual …  But choosing just to choose would have defeated the purpose as my commitment – a key ingredient – would have been lacking.  So I relied on my ‘never fails me’ litmus test.

Feel free to purloin.

When having to choose among choices I say each choice aloud in my head, as if the decision has been made.  If my soul feels restful and relieves, it is the right decision.  If my stomach clutches, bad choice.

So each noun rolled through my head, each reaction gauged.

Joy.

The next year … peace.

The year after …

This year – believe.

If anyone had told me what the last 365 days would entail, professionally and personally, I would have hoped but not believed.  A part of me is pessimistic.  Good things happen to others.  I will get only the basic necessities.  No grandeur.  No fulfilled dreams.  Just a worker bee, working hard for a living (I was born on Saturday.  You know ‘Mondays child is full of grace, Tuesdays child is full of face.’  Saturday.  Works hard for a living.)

And that hasn’t changed.  I work harder than I ever have.

A full time job, sometimes with overtime.

IEBB Media – a full time job, always with overtime.

But I love it.

I enjoy it.

I want so much for it to succeed – a fulfillment of a dream.

I was blessed to receive a part of the dream, before I believed in the fulfillment of the dream.

I don’t know if it generally works that way.

I just know it has worked.

For me.

So I must work for it.

Believe.

And if you knew how scary that felt you would predict I’m doomed to fail.

Maybe I will – with IEBB Media.

But as a person, becoming a better person – I’ll succeed.

Because when you take one step …

When you give to the world what you want …

When you believe in yourself as divine believes in you …

Just taking that step moves us forward.

And if enough of us move forward …

I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows.
I believe that somewhere in the darkest night, a candle glows.
I believe for every one who goes astray, someone will come to show the way.
I believe, I believe.
I believe above the storm the smallest pray’r will still be heard.
I believe that someone in the great somewhere hears every word.
Every time I hear a newborn baby cry, or touch a leaf or see the sky,
Then I know why I believe!

‘I Believe’ written by Irvin Graham, Jimmy Shirl, Al Stillman & Ervin M. Drake

Happy New Year.