In a 60 minute spread, no pun intended, there was a commercial for E-Harmony where the guy ‘unexpectedly’ proposed to his girlfriend, I heard one too many ‘news’ spots on Tom asking Katie to marry him at the top of the Eifel Tower, and a girlfriend asked ‘What’s going on with you and …?’ And it hit me, I had no clue. And it hit me, women have no clue. And it hit me, just why the heck don’t we have a clue? And it hit me, because men have all the power, which led to the larger question – “Is it our genes or their jeans that gives men control of our relationship cycle?”
If we are not gay or the victim of a lobotomy, women love/like men. Skipping their refusal to put down the toilet seat, we love the way they smell and the way they watch us when we cross a room. We love being held in their arms. We love when the tone in their voice says ‘I love you.’ We love how he feels inside of us and how our bodies have a spot where they just fit together. I repeat. We love men. And there’s nothing wrong with that. And while in the short term our love may be influenced by the jeans, in the long term it’s pure genes.
And maybe that’s the problem, or challenge.
Men need, in this order, sex, companionship, and love. They spend a lot of their life in the first two categories. When they’re ready for the third category, they enter it at full force.
Women need, in this order, love, companionship, and sex. We spend a lot of time doing the last category while we delude ourselves it’s the first. We settle for the second when the delusion bubble bursts.
Regardless of who is where and when, as long as our needs are reversed, men will control the relatonship cycle, which includes how, when, and where the relationship progresses. Dare think I lie? Consider this, if your boss knows you really need a promotion, and you work for cruella deville, she will dangle that promotion in front of your face every time she needs you to jump through a hoop. If a man knows a woman really needs to be loved, and he is even slightly a jerk, … .
Our short and long term behavior is influenced by our love gene. Until he decides to commit, he and our relationship are ruled by his jeans.
So let’s embrace this knowledge. It will save a lot of wear and tear on our anxiety system, not to mention the last nerves of our friends.
Give in to letting our men decide what’s going on with us and when. They’re going to do it anyway, and we’re going to let them. Plus it will end us getting pissed when when see ‘him pop the question, she screams yes, and you realize, she would have said yes if he’d asked the question last week, next week, next month, …’
Relax in the knowledge what is out of our control, is out of our control.
Relax in the knowledge that what is in our control is our independence (to take care of ourselves), and freedom (to walk away) and wisdom (to know when to do both).
Relax in the knowledge that there are great guys out there who appreciate those qualities.
Just Relax.
That’s in our genes too.
He’ll appreciate that.
That’s in our jeans too.
