If you’ve ever been victimized, on any level, would a sincere apology, be a big step in making you whole, setting you free?
That’s the question I pondered when I read two commentaries that wondered about the positiveness of the Slavery Reconciliation Walk in Anapolis, MD. “I believe that it helps, or potentially it helps, white people to think in a different way,” said David Pott, leader of Lifeline Expedition, who started the London-based organization to “reverse the damage” of the slave trade, the Associated Press (AP) reported. According to local reports, in the Anapolis march, which was attended by hundreds of people, and protested by Neo-Nazi groups, white marchers wore hand chains, neck yokes, and t-shirts emblazoned with the words ‘I’m sorry’ while being escorted by blacks wearing armbands, symbolizing forgiveness. According to Black America Web, the march started at the spot where Kunte Kinte was sold into slavery, then went past statutes dedicated to Chief Justice Roger B. Taney, the author of the Dred Scott (separate, but equal is okay) decision and Supreme Court Justice Thursgood Marshall, both Marylanders. Furthermore, Lifeline (www.lifelineexpedition.co.uk) plans additional marches in Baltimore, Boston, Richmond, Charleston, and NYC.
So, if a white marcher came up to you (if you’re black) and sincerely said, ‘I’m sorry’ would it make a difference? If the driver of the Chicago bus had survived the crash which killed 15 people, and it was determined he fell asleep at the wheel, would ‘I’m sorry’ heal the grief of those who lost loved ones? If Kobe Bryant looked his alleged victim in the eye and said, ‘I’m sorry, instead of issuing the words in a lawyer looking written statement, would the girl’s implied feeling of being a victim, move her more quickly to the survivor path? If any politician ever said, “I’m sorry” after screwing up or going back on a campaign promise would that vulnerability ensure election or a second-term?
The answer – It depends.
And it depends on whether when you hear the words you have already given true forgiveness to the transgressor.
Forgiveness of wrongs, real or projected, is the true key to healing. We must forgive the transgressor, their actions, the pain, the hurt, and most importantly, the role we played in the drama. We must look at each and every aspect of what occurred, including how we reacted, and discern why it happened, if possible, and whether if for just this one thing … things would have been different. We must open our hearts and spirits to feel it all, again. And then we let it go.
Let it go because we’re tired.
Let it go because we want ‘no more drama.’
Let it go because we refuse to give our power to another person or situation, which is what happens when whatever occurred dominates our thoughts and actions.
Let it go because we need to make room for living.
Let it all go because while we can’t control what the other person did or does, we can control ourselves.
So hearing the words ‘I’m sorry’ …
If we are past the place of forgiveness hearing the words is nice, but really makes very little difference. We’ve healed and moved on. But note, the words can start a healing of the relationship.
If we are not at the place of forgiveness or working through the process, can make it easier to move on.
Bottom line, a sincere “I’m sorry,” can never hurt, it may help, but should never hang us up. So in the case of the slave reconciliation walk, it can only help because few of us born and raised black in the U.S. have truly been able to forgive and move on.
