“It is not our abilities that show what we truly are. It is our choices.”
- Professor Dumbledore to Harry in “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets,” by J.K. Rowling
Or
“It’s what you do, not what you say, that really tells and defines who you are.” – a. renee’
“You know me,” Kobe Bryant told the media four days before he was charged with felonious sexual assault.
You know me.
Sorry, I was surprised he was an adulterer. As far as a rapist, twelve other folks will have that weighty task. And I pray for healing for all involved.
“Get to know me,” Secretary of State, Colin Powell implied when he wrote his autobiography, “My American Journey.” Regarding Vietnam, Powell wrote: “I had gone off to Vietnam in 1962 standing on a bedrock of principle and conviction. And I had watched that foundation eroded by euphemisms, lies and self-deception.” Forty years later in his brief making the case for war with Iraq, he “tied” Saddamn Hussein to 9-11 when he said Hussein had forged close ties to Al-Qaida. Like those weapons of mass destruction, this tie – to date – is still unverified. But Powell defends this foundation as noneuphemistic, a little white mistake, with no intention to deceive the public.
I believe him, don’t you. And note: I am NOT SAYING SADDAM IS NOT A BAD GUY ON HIS OWN AND DESERVES TO BE SQUASHED. Or as my friend Chris says, “he deserves to have his ‘um hm’ cut off and fed to him.”
“You know me,” Mike Price, ex-football coach of Alabama suggested to ESPN listeners. For thirty years “I acted in a dignified manner. Never drank during the football season.” So please let us not define him by his mistaken (his word) choice to drink, end up in a strip bar, invite or be followed by a woman to his hotel room, do nothing, but wake up the next morning to find her still there.
You know me.
No we don’t.
We know your media caricature. But we don’t know you.
We know who we think you are. But we don’t know you.
We know who we want you to be. But we don’t know you.
We know nothing, or next to nothing about people we’ve never or briefly met.
When we think about it, despite the millions of people we encounter in our lifetime + the people we meet through the intimacy of a camera invasion, we know very very very very few.
Writing commentaries is an awesome task. It’s not just getting facts right. Topics of interest. Worthy of discussion. Being fair. Unafraid.
The hard and scary part – “What makes me think I have the ability to tell anyone anything about anything and make a difference, a positive difference?”
The obvious answer, ego. You know some of you think that. “A commentator thinks they know what is right (caricature),” one of my mentors said. A great commentator knows it’s not true, admits it, but still puts themselves out there.” (character)
So yes, there’s some ego. But mostly, it involves wanting things to be better. When you’ve suffered, hurt, or felt harmed or unloved, you don’t want other folks to go through that. Note: this does not apply to folks who have done us wrong. Vengence may belong to God, but revenge belongs to man. Don’t lie. You know sometimes we think and want revenge.
Now you’re probably wondering, “wait a minute. She’s talking about character and now she’s on revenge? Hmm.” Maybe you’re remembering past commentaries. All to figure out, “who is she really?”
Even if you figure that out, will you know 1 or 99%?
Exercise of free will always puts the odds under 100%.
But does it matter.
Today I don’t care about the character of Kobe Bryant, Colin Powell, or Mike Price.
The only one of the three who really has any remote effect on my life is Colin and that situation will just have to play out as it will.
And as much as I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when Kobe told ‘Nessa he’d strayed and unlike with Jordan or Jackson, it was coming out now, not later. Then to tell his parents, Phil Jackson, Shaq (nah, he wouldn’t have called him), David Stern (who would have called Kobe), ESPN (who kept calling Kobe), and … And as much as I felt personally hurt over his betrayal of my ‘there is a faithful man out there’ fantasy, it really had nothing to do with me.
Really?
When our back is against the wall (cuz that’s when true character comes out), what do we do? Then what do we do? And after that what did we do?
What did we say? And after they respond, what did we say then? And then later when we thought things had calmed down, what did we think?
Still trying to get revenge?
Prove we’re right, they’re wrong?
Boiling at the mere remembrance of what’s been done to us? Or do we get angry, but then let it go?
When our back is against the wall, do we follow our friends into trouble or make our own smarter choice?
When our back is against the wall, do we lie to keep out of trouble?
When our back is against the wall and the spotlight is on us, we’re in a meeting, an assumption has been stated about us, we …
When our back is against the wall cuz we’re unfairly being lashed at, we …
When the lashing is from folks who claim to love us, we …
When the lying is from folks who live under our roof, eat our food, walk on the floor we help pay for, we …
When you know you’ve acted without harmful intent, but yet hurt is inflicted, and worse, the person hurt keeps slinging at you even when you try to make it better because they don’t want it better, they want to blame, we …
When someone tries to make it better, do we bite their hand cuz we want to hurt them (why not, we hurt.), or do we …
If we’re a renter and not an owner, do we take care of our home, or why should we care – “It ain’t my property.”
If we’re an owner do we treat our tenants as property?
Do we throw trash out the car window? Drop gum wrappers on the street?
Do we give back too much change, as often as we point out ‘I gave you a ten, not a five?’
Forget when our back is against the wall, when we think no one will know do we choose differently than if someone were watching?
Everything we do is a reflection of who we are.
Who I am comes from what I think of myself.
Not the front, but who you feel, when you’re all alone, in the dark.
Do you like what you see?
Do I like what I see?
It’s an awesome task to develop and maintain good character.
We make mistakes. If we’re blessed (it ain’t luck), it doesn’t play out before the public eye.
But whether in front of 2 or 2 million, our character should sustain.
We cannot think a mistake today, cannot grow us tomorrow. Thank God.
We cannot let others, who love to remind us of our mistakes, make us believe we are nothing but that mistake.
Matter of fact, never, under any circumstance, let other folks define who we be, if they be less to themselves, and really just want to keep us down in their bile. Cuz it makes them feel better.
We cannot. We cannot.
We must not.
How many times today were we who we thought we were?
How many times did we give in to avoid?
How many times did we not like ourselves cuz we did or didn’t …
How many times? How many more times?
Character or caricature?
It’s a choice. Not a predestination.
And our choices are …
