There are some crazy people in this world.
Not just the Jeffrey Dahlmers or people who act crazy but really are sane (??), thank you Ozzy Osbourne. Or your third cousin on your mama’s side who won’t go to sleep if the chicken foot isn’t hanging over the bed. Or the neighborhood lady who puts the whole, yes I said whole, cheese ball on her plate at a buffet line.
Yes, these people are crazy, but except for the Jeffrey Dahlmers, they are harmless and great for the good church gossip that takes place on the phone after Sunday amens are over.
And I’m not talking about those people who if you have caller id and their number comes up, you no more pick up the phone than your son would a month old sock under his bed. Or those people who you pray you don’t run into at work, in the streets, or at a party cuz if you hold on, you know once you die you’re safe. There’s no chance in heckie the two of you will end up in the same place. To be safe, though, cremate. And I’m not even talking about those people whose name is written inside every wrinkle on your face because it scrunches up like a bad fart has filled the room whenever you see or hear them.
Yes, these people are annoying, annoying, annoying and sometimes crazy, crazy, crazy but in the scheme of things life brings us, they’re no big deal. It feels like a big deal but on a scale of 1 to 10 with heartburn cracking 2, they barely break an average of 5 (note the word average) even on your worst days.
No the people referred to are the scary crazies who are scary cuz they’re dangerous. And the danger comes because you let them in so close, when they go crazy on you, it hurts unless and until you get your thing together.
Again be forewarned. These people look sane. Hold respectable good paying jobs. Go to church on Sunday or Saturday. Have kids (heaven help those poor souls). And are usually respected members of their community. Because they’re quite often charming and devious and want to just help you, turning it on and off at will, a profession where they have access to many people is quite appealing – politicians, preachers, psychiatry. Attorneys, teachers. (you’re getting scared now, aren’t you?)
It is easy to get pulled in because they start off all sweetness and cream. But lest you forget …
THESE PEOPLE ARE BUTT CRAZY.
AND IF YOU CROSS THEM THEY WILL AND DO TRY TO MAKE YOU CRAZY.
AND YOU WILL CROSS THEM BECAUSE WHAT SETS THEM OFF IS NOT LOGIC, BUT SOMETHING YOU SAY OR DO WHICH TRIGGERS THEIR INSECURITY AND THEY INTERPRET AS AN ATTACK – OF NOT BEING LOVED.
So recognize the sign that tells you you have invited a crazy into your life – These people are always right and always the victim. Repeat they are always right and always the victim.
You’re wondering about some people right now, aren’t you?
A typical conversation goes like this …
“You want to go to the mall?” Nut.
“No.” You.
“You waiting on the sales? (you never said that) You got money. That’s what’s wrong with you; you never want to do anything with me but if somebody else calls, you run out the door.” Nut.
Now here’s the definitive moment where life determines which one or if both of you are crazy. The sign of the former, you let it go. Walk away. Keep stepping. The sign of the latter – you enter into the craziness by accepting a role in their psychodrama. Translation, you try to logically talk to an illogically minded (cuz they’re crazy) person.
“I didn’t say I was waiting on the sales or that I don’t have money.” Wrong answer.
“I do things with you all the time.” Wrong answer.
“I don’t run out the door every time somebody calls.” Another wrong answer.
Any answer you give, other than uh huh, or hmm, is the wrong answer. Once you make a statement or begin to argue you will get played the guilt trip. Because this is all about them. Not you.
“Well if you don’t have money it’s not because you spend it on me.” Nut.
“So and so told everybody you went to a party Friday night. Guess you didn’t want me around.” (You got that right (so why are you still talking?)). Nut. Double nut to be.
Well when your boyfriend, husband, girlfriend, father, mother, sister, etc. calls, you do what they want. But I guess I shouldn’t expect you to treat me right. I’m just your girlfriend, wife, man, mother, father, brother, etc. It’s okay.” Nut.
And if you’re still stupid enough to physically stay within hearing distance, nut will notch it up to the ultimate level – your overwhelming feeling of guilt that you are a bad friend, son, daughter, spouse. Their false victimization for your real victimization. Cuz, remember, it’s all about them.
They will say something like, “See I can’t say anything to you without you getting mad (even though you never raised your voice). That’s what’s wrong with you. You can’t take criticism. (They were disagreeing with you!!) Never could. You’re just like … and they will name several people they know you can’t stand to twist that jagged knife harder. They’re crazy, not dumb.
The worst part, while you’re still foaming at the mouth, they anger dissipates and mood flips 180° to “normal!” Yes, they are scary.
If you’re “lucky” this person is not a member of your family or, if so, someone you only see at family funerals, is moving to another city, or has suddenly become struck mute.
If you’re “lucky” this person is not in your department, not your immediate supervisor or underling, and not in a position to ruin your career if you stay with the company by first twisting your words and then just making things up. Which they will have to do because eventually you’ll get the drift and stay far far physically away. And because of their charisma and on off switch, don’t think they won’t be believed. They play this game much better than you and have done it longer.
If you’re “lucky” this person never ever comes into your life.
If you’re “lucky” you recognize this person sooner than later. Fail to do so … they will throw you to the wolves, embarrass you, cause tears and lots of frustration, and break your heart – and that’s the mild stuff.
Friendship? … they don’t know the meaning of the word. Familial support? … you’re safer with Mommie Dearest or Michael Jackson. Got your back? … only to drive in another knife.
If you’re lucky this person never occupies one of those critical positions in your life that is responsible for how you learn to define yourself. The wounds they leave are too deep for exorcism because major damage will be done.
Life is short and having people around you who don’t support your best interests should be kicked to the curb.
So look around your life. Can’t find any crazies, LOOK AGAIN. They’re subtle. They lie in wait.
If you still don’t find them, keep that antenna up. They may show up at any time. Always in the disguise of sanity.
If you do find one, run don’t walk, as far away as possible for as long as possible. If this isn’t possible, then do that mental divorce – uh huh, hmm – in all conversations. Do not attempt to engage logically, no matter how right you are.
If you can’t divorce or the wounds inflicted are deep, consider therapy. For yourself. Trying to get them to go is again engaging in logical conversation with an illogical being. And why should they believe you, you’re crazy!
However you have to handle it, even if you no longer believe it, tell yourself – you are normal, you are normal. This isn’t about me; this is about them. Eventually it will be true.
The best part, if it is true, it will be much harder, if not impossible for another crazy to get that close. Yes!
If it’s not true, well, take hope. You can now make someone else’s life crazy.
Let’s hope for the former and not the latter.
Be sane and prosper.
