Is what one of my white male conservative friends said yesterday.

The conversation – Jayson Williams.

Now I was surprised he was found not guilty on the reckless manslaughter charge (3 am, drunk, playing with a gun, someone died).  My friend was not.  We switched to Kobe.  I said, ‘Kobe’s going to jail.’  He said, ‘no Kobe wasn’t.’

This was nothing new.  C and I normally disagreed on most news issues, and I don’t mean 50/50.  But while we disagreed on the Iraq War, the public’s interest in athletes and steroids, and whether figure skating and golf are sports, we agreed on things like integrity.  And to keep things sane we kept a taboo list, whose contents neither of us could ever totally remember, but generally centered around the subjects we’re all taught never to bring up in a conversation: race, religion, politics, and sexuality.  So I was surprised when he followed his ‘no Kobe wasn’t’ with ‘black athletes don’t go to jail.’

Excuse me!  Since we’re allowed to slightly touch taboo subjects if we’re kidding, I im’ed him back – ‘you’re kidding, right?’

‘No.  Black athletes don’t go to jail.’

‘But white ones do?’

‘Yes.’

Several things crossed my mind, like …

-    - arguing Mike Tyson, but that was so long ago even I knew it was a weak comeback.

-    - Pointing out the other black and white athletes who’d gone to jail, and the whites that didn’t?  But I couldn’t remember one name.

-    - Beating the crap out of him (a fight I’d lose, thank goodness we were 1300 miles apart).

-    - Wondering if maybe he really was trying to pull my chain, which he loved to do.

But without having to dig very deep, I knew he believed exactly what he’d said.

Now some of you, especially those who know me, are probably waiting for the part where I tell you how, since I couldn’t physically beat him, went off like the crazy black woman I can be.  I didn’t.

The world is made up of 3 types of people:  those to your far left, those to your far right, and those in the middle.  Anywhere from 2 ½ to 5% of the population occupies the first two types, leaving 95 to 97% in the middle.  The first two types are passionate, vocal, … and 99.9% of the time inflexible.  Their world is black/white with no grey .. because they’re always right.  Facts?  Not important, unless it supports their position.  When confronted with opposing opinions phrases like ‘he’s an idiot/stupid/fascist/pinko/…’ are invoked, which they believe proves their position.  No one works as hard as them.  No one is as smart as them.  No one is as patriotic as them.  No one is more perfect than them.

You have all probably envisioned one or more people who fit this description perfectly.

Sometimes you argue with them (when the issue cuts close to the bone), most times you don’t, because life is too short.

My life felt short enough that day.  But his statement made me sad, and hurt, because not only was it not true, it reminded me that many others held that belief and/or other negative stereotypes about blacks or ethnicities and nationalities, which weren’t their’s.  And their opinions will unlikely ever be changed.

One step forward, another step back.

You get tired of the shit.

And you remember the crap.

And you try (or not try) to let that crap seep into your brainwaves, but it does … until your mind forms stereotypes about them, whoever the thems are.

Pretty f’ed up, isn’t it?

Two more things …

1.  For the record here are some of the black athletes who went to jail:

Riddick Bowe, boxer: 18 months for abducting his estranged wife and children

Dwayne Goodrich, NFL: 7 ½ years for fatal hit and run

Jeremiah Parker, NFL: 10 years for partaking in the manslaughter of his girlfriend’s child

Nate Newton, NFL: 5 years for possession of 213 pounds of marijuana

2.  The reality is some of our athletes, black/white/Hispanic are running amuck.  Rape, murder, drugs, assault, lots of assault.  And although their actions are a replica of society, let us not give them slack because they are athletes and celebrities.  That makes a further mockery of us and our justice system.

American Idol – Séparer Trois

Okay, everybody who knew the minute Elton John uttered the word ‘racist’ that the media would climb all over him and spin the Fantasia/LaToya/Jennifer with Jennifer getting voted off ‘ as a fault of the ‘their supporters not voting’ raise your hand.

Keep those hands up.  Now everybody who inferred ‘their supporters’ meant black people, keep your hand up.

And everybody who wasn’t surprised that the story then became ‘poor little white boy John Stevens (whose haters got too stupid)’ put your hand down.

Hmm, most of you are still up.

Okay, one more question, everybody who feels once again most of the media purposely took their eye off the ball out of fear of dealing with ‘racism’, leave your hand up.

Dag, and they think we’re dumb.

Reality check:  Any vote that put those three women in the bottom three had and has a racial component.  Race is a part of our lives.  Hello.  And denying that (which one part of society tries to do, while the other part keeps screaming) distorts the big picture and makes things worse.  You know, dirt swept under the rug eventually trips you … out.

But if you don’t believe race had anything to do with it, give me a plausible explanation for how the 3 divas ended up the bottom three.  And please say something other than ‘because the people who liked them didn’t vote’

Idol is a talent contest, remember.  You vote for the most talented, remember.  So again, if Fantasia/LaToya/Jennifer were the most talented why were they in the bottom 3 regardless of who voted?

Uh huh.

Folks just don’t want to go there because of what a discussion of race invokes, understandably so.

And before I forget, all those people, including black folks (Trenyce), who argue that because ‘Rueben won last year, that proves it’s not racial’ … weak.  Let’s remember the first year of the contest, Tamyra (black), by far the best talent, was voted off leaving the way clear for Kelly (white).  Folks (not just blacks) were outraged then, like now, and the next year (last year) made sure the best talent, whoever that was, and in this case was Reuben (but it was close), received their votes.  And black folks, normally not big on voting, voted in droves, some feeling they could not trust the rest of society to ‘do the right thing.’  But like with most things, once we black folks win the battle some of us forget there’s still a war.  We retreat back to other things, leaving the fight to others.  Believing things have changed.  They haven’t.  And that’s been proved.

One other side note:  ‘does it appear to any other black person besides myself that some of our black media personalities are afraid to honestly express their opinion when the issue of race comes up?’  When Charlie Gibson tells it like it is over Robin Roberts, we got problems.

Now back to Idol and let’s get honest here.

I don’t fault folks for not voting for the 3 divas.

I don’t fault folks for being entitled to choose who they wish to choose regardless of the rules (it’s a talent contest).

I don’t fault folks for voting by popularity because when you look at it, that’s what Fox stresses:  ‘vote for your favorite”, “if so and so is your favorite”, etc.  What is faulty is the dishonesty surrounding these decisions.

Admit you’re voting for who you like and you, like all of us, gravitate to liking those who are most like us, including ethnicity.

Admit that it’s your right to vote for who you want and not vote for the best talent because that’s what democracy is.

Admit that you want the contestants to be popular and situations like what happened to the 3 divas to occur because that increases the popularity of the show that increases the dollars you earn.

Admit it and don’t try to shift the accountability onto other folks, i.e. those who did not vote.

Admit it and don’t denounce those who call you out, i.e. Elton.

Admit it and stop scrambling to tell the media ‘this isn’t about race’ so the label racist isn’t attached to you.

Just admit it.  Because when you don’t you look hypocritical.  Even more so when you double talk.

When asked about Elton John’s charge of racism, Simon Cowell responded with “a definite no” and blamed the ‘lack of diva vote’ on “a lot of passive viewers who complain about the results but don’t pick up the phone or text a message.”¹ (Okay voting is not based on race.  And lack of voting is due to apathy.)

Cowell also predicted, “… LaToya (black) and Diana (white) to be the two finalists.  It’s just who I’m guessing America will pick.” But … “if it was talent (the two finalists) would be LaToya (black) and Fantasia (black).” ¹

Yeah, race has nothing to do with it.

¹ The Advocate, Friday, April 30, 2004.