N***a:
Etymology: alteration of earlier neger, from Middle French negre, from Spanish or Portuguese negro, from negro black, from Latin niger
1 usually offensive, see usage paragraph below : a black person
2 usually offensive, see usage paragraph below : a member of any dark-skinned race
3 : a member of a socially disadvantaged class of persons <it’s time for somebody to lead all of America’s n****s… all the people who feel left out of the political process — Ron Dellums>
usage N****r in senses 1 and 2 can be found in the works of such writers of the past as Joseph Conrad, Mark Twain, and Charles Dickens, but it now ranks as perhaps the most offensive and inflammatory racial slur in English. Its use by and among blacks is not always intended or taken as offensive, but, except in sense 3, it is otherwise a word expressive of racial hatred and bigotry.
… and depending on my mood, I could care less.
Which is why I’m fed up.
I remember the first time I was called that name. Eight years old. Third grade smartie. But I didn’t feel so smart when the 3 white girls who lived 2 blocks up on the way to school, jumped in my face one morning and called me a … My temperature rose to 103. Don’t remember what we all said next. Don’t even remember if I felt I won the fight. It didn’t really matter. I would never forget how I felt.
Which is why I’m fed up.
N***a please. N***r don’t. N****s need to … N****s are wrong.
Yeah I said it.
It was as much a part of my vocabulary as my name.
Expressed dismay, rebuke, criticism, disappointment.
All From love, after all, I was black too. And called a n***a before. It’s a bond thing.
Like Randy Jackson on American Idol hollering, ‘hey dawg, what’s up.’ A term of endearment.
Brothers and sistahs can talk about their mama, when nobody else can.
Which is why I’m fed up.
I danced to the beat.
Of all those hip hop and rap songs that sang the word over and over and over.
Considering some of the lyrics, n***a wasn’t the worst word coming out of their mouth.
And let’s be truthful, give us a bad bass beat and the only thing we hear is the blood, pumping through our bodies, pulsating in our ears.
Bump bump bump, Bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump. Bump bump bump, Bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump.
Good Times …
N***a please. N***r don’t. N****s need to … N****s wrong.
N***a was a whole lot like bitch. My term of endearment for girlfriends.
Bitch this. Bitch that. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch.
That was in the songs too.
Bump bump bump, Bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump.
Which is why I’m fed up.
Don’t know when it happened.
But I can pinpoint it somewhere in the last 2 years. Close enough.
Don’t know how it happened.
With a five minute memory, the hard drive is constantly deleting insignificant data. Just leaves a memory footprint.
Don’t know why it happened.
Not that I didn’t agree with the writers who told us ‘let’s stop denigrating our women and not call them bitches and ho’s.’
Or Bill Cosby, who never uses a curse word in any of his comedic routines, let alone the ‘N’ word.
Or with society – ‘N’ is an offensive word. The worst. Use of it or its offshoots will get nonblack people in a world of trouble. Remember the guy in Washington who used the word ‘niggardly?’ Used it proper and everything. Had the definition down pat.
1 : grudgingly mean about spending or granting : BEGRUDGING
2 : provided in meanly limited supply
synonym see STINGY
He may have been able to play it all off, but he just never could explain why another word, like stingy, wouldn’t have sufficed. And even though Merriam-Webster doesn’t list the origin of this word, we all know how the word came about. He did too. So we knew what he knew was saying.
It’s about now that I’m wondering, ‘is this too much? Am I going to far?’
If you think so, stick with me. There’s a method to the madness.
So I can’t say for sure when, how, or why, I just know …
One day I was tired of both words.
Didn’t want to hear them come out of my mouth. Note: My head hasn’t caught up.
They both suddenly sounded like ‘old school’. A tired school. A school of been there, done that, graduated and moving on.
What I did in college, stopped the day I graduated.
Wasn’t planning to march or throw up a black flag.
Had nothing to preach.
They just felt tired.
Which is why I was fed up.
You ever notice how when you stop doing a thing, but others continue doing it, when they do it, you notice it more? Not that you didn’t notice before. It’s just different. Like they’re not your peeps anymore.
Black People over the age of 65, 70, especially those in their 80’s or 90’s, use a lot of racial slurs. On everybody. All ethnicities. Especially the word n***a. Which cringes me a little more than cr*cker.
Because that’s how it was in their time.
Sometimes the use of these words was the only way they could let that seething anger of injustice and dehumanization out. Brought the man down to their level or below. It gave them a feeling of dignity. Too brief. But existent, nevertheless.
It’s been a part of them so long they don’t even notice they do it.
Like my grandmothers using the word colored. There will never be a Negro, Black, Afro, or African American in this house. We colored. And proud of it.
You don’t mess with grandmas.
But regardless of who and regardless of age, they all knew when to use the words, and how.
Never in public.
Only among your own.
By the way, friends in the Black Promised Land aka Atlanta, and others. Has the ‘wonder if’ ever entered your mind that some of the white people you know, over the age of 40, or their parents, probably screamed n***a and spit on the integration buses? It wasn’t that long ago. Less than a generation.
Which is why I’m fed up.
Cannot imagine anyone nonblack over the age of 4 saying n***a in public. Out loud. Where anybody can hear you. They don’t even mouth the word in hip hop, unless you Eminem.
But we know or think we know when they think it. Or use some new code.
And by the way, yes, Rush Limbaugh just called Jesse Jackson a n***a. A hired one who’s going to get the bucks. But a n***a, nevertheless.
“The Kerry campaign has finally gotten a chocolate chip. The Kerry campaign has announced that civil rights activist, the Reverend Jackson, has joined the campaign on Wednesday — that’s today, the day before the debate. Jesse Jackson has joined the Kerry campaign.”*
We weren’t confused.
Maybe an occasional projection. But confusion. Uh uh. Black folks got more radars than the Miami Police Department.
But I’m fed up.
I don’t use the word anymore.
Don’t expect nonblacks to say it. Aware when they code it.
But not getting on a soap box telling my folks to leave the word alone.
It’s a personal choice of usage.
But don’t think because I don’t use it, I don’t GET IT. I GET the whole thing.
Which is why I’m fed up.
The uproar over Aaron McGruder’s take on ‘Can’t A N***A Get a Job’ didn’t surprise me.
Knew some white owned newspapers would do the ‘Oh my god, oh my god, we can’t let this word run. We’ll have the NAACP after us. Readers will get mad. It’ll be a big stink. We could lose revenues. We don’t need this, right now or any time. So let’s pretend we give a damn about diversity and take what we think is the ‘politically correct high moral ground stance’ and pull it. PULL THE DAMN STRIP.’
Knew most other ethnicities would be quiet on the subject, ‘Those n***a’s are at it again honey. But it’s not our fight,” all the while being grateful to n***a’s cuz it keeps them from having the bottom of the totem pole up their …
Knew some black reporters would go ‘Shit. Now why the brotha got to do this to me … again. I honestly don’t have a clue in hell how to report this – ‘good morning sir, yes it is a nice day sir’ – and keep my ‘barely paying the bills but somebody’s got to try to make a difference’ job at this white owned newspapers. And for the record, sir, I am not the resident expert on all these pertaining to blacks. Damn. Maybe I should call …’ We need to give our black reporters some props for what some of them go through.
Knew some black folks would get angry. “Damn fool that boy is. We out here trying and he’s pushing us back. Talking that damn shit. Boy needs a good talkin’ too. These young whippersnappers come along, with their fancy cars, making a few bucks, and they think they know it all. And can tell us. Why I remember back in ’42 … Just making it more difficult for us, I tell you.”
I knew.
No surprises.
Which is why I’m fed up.
N***a is an offensive word when hurled at anyone, but especially blacks, and meant as a racial slur.
We know that.
We GET that.
BUT WHY DIDN’T THE DISCOURSE INCLUDE ANY CONVERSATION ABOUT THE POINT AARON WAS MAKING – WE GOT BLACK PEOPLE ON THE CORNER, IN OUR HOUSES, AT THE PARK, ON THE STEPS, DOING NOTHING, BEING NOTHING, AND NOT TRYING TO DO ANY MORE. Why was the discourse on the same old, same old?
Our unemployment rate is the highest of all ethnicities (and don’t look at the percentage for youths 18 to 20, it will make you sick). We have more single black men in prison than in church. The number of black owned business that fail is alarming. The number of black owned businesses we have to pass to our children is pathetic.
And all we can talk about is the word n***a!!!!!
Some of us got what Bill Cosby was saying, and some of the rest who didn’t at least knew to shut up and jump on the band wagon cuz the train was moving, at least moving.
Where are those voices right now??
Which is why I’m fed up.
Let’s make this simple.
America was built on racism. It made them rich. Filthy rich. Disgustingly rich.
It is an integral ingredient that makes this society function – the have’s and have nots.
AND WE WILL NEVER EVER BE ABLE TO DO A 100% ERADICATION.
AND WE WILL NEVER EVER BE ABLE TO DO A 100% ERADICATION OF THE BRAINWASHING RACISM DOES TO BLACKS.
Let’s skip every other ethnicities. I’m talking to me and you.
Every day we are bombarded by media images that tell us ‘who da man, who da woman’ and it ain’t generally us.
Can you imagine The Apprentice starting the season with 15 blacks, one Asian, one Hispanic, and one white?
But it seems perfectly normal when 15 of them are white.
It seems normal to ask us ‘why do all the black kids sit together in the cafeteria.’ My answer, ‘I’ll answer you when you ask white folks why they sit together.”
We even have ourselves asking us their questions. Last year I attended an work meeting , where there were about 10 blacks present. 6 of us sat together for dinner, mainly because we didn’t know each other and it gave us a chance to interact. One of the 4 not present at the table, told me afterwards, ‘I would have sat with you guys but I didn’t want it to look like all the black people were together.’ I won’t tell the whole conversation but his take was, ‘let’s not upset the white bosses.’ My response, ‘That’s the least of your worries.’
Which is why I’m fed up.
A black reporter was uneasy about posing questions on The Boondocks, ‘Can’t A N***A Get a Job.’
My unease came from the fact they were uneasy.
If our first reaction is ‘what will white man think?’ you should be uneasy. But not for the reasons you think. Definitely for the reasons Aaron was trying to get across.
Which is why I’m fed up.
It is not easy being a black person in America … or Europe, since a lot of their impressions of who we are come from our media. Which backs up the point, if they see us like that, don’t you think our subconscious minds get the overt and subliminal messages too? Which could also explain this whole discourse.
But no matter what others think, WE CANNOT, SHOULD NOT, WILL NOT LIVE ARE LIVES DEFINING OURSELVES BY THE MISEDUCATION OF THEIR OPINION.
Let’s not get so bogged down in the past and present, we don’t prepare and move to the future.
Let’s not get so caught up in words, we forget the meaning. Or the message, we forget the teaching. Or the point, that we forget to act and not just react.
Cuz really and truly, isn’t that what a n***a does?
Which is why I’m fed up.
Signed, a former N***a Addict
P.S. I’ve been told by people I respect that some things you can’t put in writing, because it’s there for all posterity and can be twisted and plucked to defuse your point. Be that as it may, this sistah said it, and sticks with it.
Let the comments begin.
* Media Matters for America, 9/30/04.
