I am in a foul mood and will vent. If you don’t want to hear it – STOP! Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
My spirit is frickin’ tired.
If you have never experienced this … are you human?
If you have, then you know that right now everything sags, I’m bone weary tired, and two tons of history are breaking my back.
Physical pain is a witch. Been there, with little to look forward to. Both parents suffer from arthritis. With all the nighttime groaning and moaning, it sounds like a porno parlor. J (they’re going to kill me)
No lightheartedness. I’m angry.
Last night I watched American Idol. Yes, it’s a mindless show. But I’m hooked. Didn’t watch last year, to the chagrin of one of my friends. While he was screaming – Kelly, Kelly, Kelly won. I’m like, “did you hear me say I’m in Times Square with Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora.” Hello. Priorities.
But I don’t live under a rock and now I know Kelly and Justin and Tamyra (who is kicking butt on Boston Public, thank you David Kelley). That girl has some serious chops (Tamyra). And she was voted off instead of somebody named Nikki! Or for that matter Kelly or Justin? Puh uh leeze.
And I heard the word that made the rounds – all the white folks voted for Nikki to bump Tamyra so Kelly would have a clear shot to the million-dollar circle. Did I buy it? Do I live in America? Hello!! But I didn’t watch the show so I didn’t go there.
This year. As a lark I watched. Some of those contestants were scary. Not just as singers. Remember the one guy who didn’t make it past the first round but told everybody he had and then conned his way back into the auditions, got escorted out (by security) and then hollered over his back – I’ll see y’all in Hollywood. The fourth, fifth, and sixth dimensions.
Others were just funny. Mr. “Like a Virgin”. Okay. So for four weeks my friends and I laughed our heads off. Yes it was wrong. You should not laugh at the less fortunate. But I can’t sing. I know I can’t sing. Couldn’t carry a tune if you held the bucket handle. And I keep it to myself. These people were not less fortunate, just more stupid.
I got hooked. Invested in those who really had some talent. I picked from the get go – Kimberly Locke and Ruben Studdard. If they weren’t the final two, then dag. Especially Ruben. Luther, Luther, Luther, Gerald, Luther.
And then there were seven – which included Ms. Baa Baa Sheep Utah and Josh Mr. Marine Yes I love him he was cute until he died his hair and I didn’t care that he couldn’t sing Gracin. Ms. Utah – cute, yes. Singer, no, no, double no, heckie no. Her vibration was better than a quarter in the bed. Yet she kept winning. Beating out some better singers – can you hear me say Rickey and Kimberly Caldwell.
Words made the round. All the Mormons were voting for Ms. Utah. And the Marines and right-wingers had Josh covered. It got embarrassing. Especially for Ms. Utah. I felt her pain, until she started buying into the concept that “hmm, since I’m not being voted off, maybe I can win this thing?” Duh! She lost me. No more sympathy. Can’t give empathy.
And then there were six. Yup Utah and Josh hung on. Folks got scared. No one wanted to say the words “conspiracy” or “rigged” so they whispered and used innuendoes. But even if the Mormons all were voting, Ms. Utah had to go. And did. Bye bye.
And then there were five. Singing two songs. Skip what the judges say, although more often than not Simon is correct. Harsh, crude, arrogant, but correct. And kinda cute. But skip that.
Trenyce had it going on for both songs. So did Ruben and Clay. Kimberly sold “Where the Boys Are” but her first song pitched – she needs a few bars to warm up. Josh … I’ll leave it alone. Bye Bye.
Uh uh. Surprise surprise surprise. Trenyce and Ruben were the bottom two. Simon screamed, “What?” Josh hung his head in his hands in shame. He needed to. Conspiracy theory – the marines came through again. Conspiracy theory – it’s like last year. Gotta get rid of Ruben so Clay can win. Or maybe it was as Dorothy Lucey said on Good Day Live – we’re all so sure Ruben will win, we didn’t vote.
Maybe that’s true, but it didn’t feel like it. I was pissed and refused to talk to anyone. Words are powerful and can’t be taken back. And when you rant to white people it may feel good but what do you expect them to say – “I’m sorry. I agree. This sucks. It’s racist.” That’s not fair to them. Yes, the color of their skin makes them privileged. Yes, they learn to continue the perpetuation of subtle discrimination the same way we’re brainwashed into buying into victim hood. Yes, yes, and more yes. But a black person can no more get the right answer out of a white person than a white person can give it because there is no right answer.
Back to AI (Artificial Intelligence aka American Idol).
I don’t care if you don’t like it – my soul said, “Here we go again. Black folks take one step forward and get kicked five steps back. Forget the DWB (driving while black) problem – some folks use public transportation. We all live the BBB – being born black.
Skipping the two summers I put a yellow towel on my head (get it? blond hair) and declaring I was an opera singer I am black, like being black, and couldn’t change it if I wanted to. But BBB’s use too much energy just getting through a day with their minds and spirits intact.
Look at the tv tube – I can name five or six black sitcoms but how many dramas are there? Forget that, how many dramas have a person of color beyond the help. And what about commercials? And yes I go to Radio Shack and use Crest toothpaste. Why? Cause they respected my business enough to put a face up front I could relate to. And let’s not get into the Hispanics and Asians.
Billboards. Magazines. Newspapers. Fortune 500 companies. Congress. Hollywood.
Every moment of every day you’re reminded it is a white world – bought, sold, and slaved – and the rest of us live in it.
It’s exhausting. But you get used to it. Coping is as much a part of who you are as your mama and daddy.
Is there a conspiracy to get Clay the American Idol brass ring?
I don’t know. But the fact that my spirit is tired and a lot of words are being whispered …
Even with a whole lot of white folks (it was on ESPN!) also being angry that Ruben was in the bottom two … American Idol is the least of our concerns.
