Listen up, black women over 30. The chances of you getting a man are pretty bleak. The chances you’ll get one and enjoy orgasmic peaks over and over and over and over and … are bleaker. And this all came about because last week one article grabbed my attention and brought attention to another.
“Scientists find that women’s ability to reach orgasm is genetically influenced,” screamed the Associated Press. Thanks, I so wanted to think about my parents having sex outside the conception of my sister and I. In an English study of sexuality in female twins, identical and nonidentical, scientists found for women …
* 33% never or hardly ever have an orgasm during intercourse, while
* 21% rarely achieve orgasm during masturbation
And how did they deduce this? Since identical twins responded they screamed “Say my name” more than nonidentical twins, and each set of twins was raised in the same household, the reason for orgasmic differences had to be because of genetics.
Two days after this bombshell, Shanna Flowers, an African-American columnist with the Roanoke Times wrote “For single women, numbers a negative” (June 9, 2005). Using the numerical composition of women to men in the Roanoke area and recent graduates, she determined whether black or white, women aren’t getting a little ‘somethin’ somethin.’ Sure they were independent, and they lives fulfilled and fulfilling, but that’s where it ended. Their bodies weren’t being feel’ed or filled. And let’s be honest, most of us enjoy both, especially at the same time.
So what do we do? Fortunately, put together the two articles laid out a pretty good roadmap.
If it’s just an orgasm you want …
Breathe, breathe, focus, focus. The English researchers assured us all is not doomed for the orgasmically challenged. Patience from ourselves and our partners, and let’s throw in willingness to openly discuss the issue and ‘try this,’ are successful keys. And since the female viewpoint of sex is much more complex than a man’s (because of the sense of violation of being the insertee and not the inserter), when a woman feels loved and secure, she’s more apt to relax those pelvic muscles.
Masturbate. If a woman has a better chance of orgasm without a man, and likes the feel of climax, work through those puritan issues that masturbation is nasty, screams ‘I’m desperate and can’ get a man,’ and will cause blindness. Plus masturbation is a healthy way to release body toxins and work out a lot of angst.
If you want to add a man as a side of beef or the main entree,
* Look for men in places where you have an interest in hanging out – church, bookstores, sporting events.
* Consider interracial dating, since we are more likely to date within our race. If it’s religion and not ethnicity that holds you back, remember “we’re all made in his image.”
* Finally, go young. With all these old men picking up much younger women, that leaves a lot of young men available for us. Okay it’s not easy getting past the stigma of ‘you’re old enough to be his mama, or at least his big sister,’ and you do find yourself wondering, ‘what the hades does he see in old arse moi.’ But if you just give it a chance, you may be wondrously surprised … not to mention arousingly raptured.
Bottom line. It’s up to us whether we let the bottom fall out of our sex/love lives. As for me, I say, “bottoms up.”